You feelin' dizzy?

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Jolly Gupta, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.

Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Jolly replied.

She ran out of the room.

This picture is hilarious.

Luckily I'm not fat because I have high hits and I don't have a boss, so no worries.

How about you guys, do you write for someone else?

In addition to my Twilight funny articles, here's an interesting picture. Edward can't seem to resist temptation. I find this not funny but rather gross. You guys decide.

(click on the picture to enlarge)



Check out my other Twilight posts:
Twilight - The Short Version
The Twi-height Saga: New Moon

In addition to my previous short version pictures, here's one from the 2007 movie "The Bucket List" starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Enjoy!

A woman stopped by at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed!

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."
The nun agreed.
A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,
"I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq ."
The nun said, "I understand completely."

The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.. I don't want to go to Iraq either."

We are aware that a sperm is the male "gamete" or sex cell.

Each sperm produced by the testis is only a few thousandths of a millimetre in length and must travel through some 30-40 cm (100 000 times its own length) in the male and then in the female reproductive tract before it reaches the Fallopian tubes and can perform the function for which it was intended.

Needless to say, many fewer than 1 in a million ever complete this hazardous journey.

Imagine, only one will make it to fertilize the egg!

Here's a peak of their long journey:

Sorry for weeks of inactivity, I'm quite busy with lots of stuffs now.

But I'll still update this blog once in a while.

Here goes my 50th post!

I got this picture over the internet.

I find it really funny so I'm sharing it with you guys.

Enjoy!

Other articles you might like:
Love Letter by IT Professionals
Salary Raise Request Story
Wrong Email to Wife
Karate Dog Story
Daddy ate my fingers

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I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this!" ,and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face..

I said, "What's wrong honey?"

She replied,

"What happened to my booger?"

Other articles you might like:
Love Letter by IT Professionals
Salary Raise Request Story
Karate Dog Story
Do the Facebook Trick
Never talk about Nuclear Power

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I saw you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for.

For a long time, I've been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.

My life is just an uncompiled program without you that never produces an executable code and hence is useless.

You not only have a beautiful face, but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well.

Your smile is so delightful that it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.

When you looked at me last evening, I felt all my program modules running smoothly and giving expected results, which I have never experienced before.

With this letter, I just want to convey that, if we linked together, I'll provide you with all the objects and libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life.

Also don't bother about the Firewall, which may be created by our parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their security passwords and make them accept our marriage.

I anticipate that nobody is already logged into your database so that my connect script would fail.

And it's all certain that if this happened to me, I will crash my system beyond recovery. Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your Inbox.

(credits to rajesh)

Other articles you might like:
Salary Raise Request Story
Wrong Email to Wife
Karate Dog Story
Do the Facebook Trick
What Gender is a Computer?

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Conversation on a plane:

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane.

Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the guy.

"How about nuclear power?"

"OK", she said.

"That could be an interesting topic..

But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff.. Grass.

Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know sh*t?"

Other articles you might like:
Salary Raise Request Story
Karate Dog Story
Wrong Email to Wife
What Gender is a Computer?
Do the Facebook Trick

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I, P. Enis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I dont get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Mr. P. Enis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative. you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

V. Agina

Other articles you might like:
Karate Dog Story
Very Nasty Acne
The FBI Story
Wrong Email to Wife
What Gender is a Computer?

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A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The men won.

Other articles you might like:
Wrong Email to Wife
Do the Facebook Trick
Very Nasty Acne
Karate Dog Story
The FBI Story

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A man checked into a hotel.

There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile...

Somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached Safely

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was...

Other stories you might like:
Karate Dog Story
The FBI Story

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The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists.

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"

The man said, "you can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for the job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room.

All was quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home".

Finally, it was the woman's turn.

She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another.

They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun was loaded with blanks," she said.

"I had to beat him to death with the chair".

Related story you might like:
Karate Dog Story

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If your brain works.. this will be neat!

This is another example of an amazing illusion!

If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot, the dots will remain only one color.. PINK.

However if you stare at the black " + " in the center, the moving dot turns to green.

Now, concentrate on the black " + " in the center of the picture.

After a short period, all the pink dots will slowly disappear.. and you will only see only a single green dot rotating.

It's amazing how our brain works!

There really is no green dot , and the pink ones really don't disappear.

This should be proof enough, we don't always see what we think we see.

Did you manage to do the mind illusion trick?

How was it?

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I've seen a lot of weird cases of acne, but this definitely is the worst one.

I actually feel sorry for this man.

Rumors said that his girlfriend popped it out for him.
Take a look:


Just kiddin'!

But seriously, what will you do if you had one like this?

Imagine the pain when popping this sucker out...

Very excrutiating!

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There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So the young wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog." The clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does knows karate."

The wife didn't believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair." The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog.

When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he said, "Karate my ass!" And to this very day, he is in the hospital.

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Let's do something cool today. I'm sure you're gonna love this one! Go to www.facebook.com , if you have an account DON'T LOG-IN! Haha! The trick that we're about to do only requires you to be on the homepage.
Let's explore around first. Try clicking anywhere on the background page. Nothing happens right?
I'm gonna teach you how to blow up your pc! Just kidding!

Now, follow my instructions carefully so that you'll be able to successfully do this right.

• Click on the background, right around the globe/people image.
• Press UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A then press ENTER
• Then click on the image again

What did you see?

According to some sources, its called the "KONAMI CODE" from old gaming days.

For reference, click the link below:
http://news.cnet.com/konami-code-triggers-easter-egg-on-facebook-too

Hope you had fun!
Do leave me a comment about it.